All the better
by mamika
Summary: Kai is struggling, Rei wants to help but is there a way? I don't know. written for my own purposes. suggest you not to read. has Kai and Rei, but I don't know will it be anything more. or will this be anything more than one-shot
1. Chapter 1

Don't read. this fic really has nothing to offer. I wrote it simply to deal with issues. and Kai is totally ooc here.

* * *

All the better

Rei winced. Kai was not doing too well. He was having a training match with Max, and Kai was struggling to just keep his blade in the dish and fight Draciel. Rei sighed. About a year ago Kai had hurt his knee rather badly. They had been training just normally, just finishing the warming up running, when there was a loud snap and Kai fell. His ACL had been completely severed and few other tendons had been sprained. And there were no clear reason why this had happened, it was just signed of as bad luck and probably an old injury. It had been operated, and everything seemed to have went fine but Kai wasn't okay. There was a flash, the blades had collided one last time and both were shot out of the ring. Max caught Draciel and smiled a little awkwardly

"That was a good match, thanks Kai. I learned a lot" he could hear the uncertainty in Max's voice, and by Kai's look, so could he. It wasn't a miracle that Max was a bit worried too, Kai used to wipe the floor with him earlier.

"Whatever." Kai mumbled and turned away and walked down from the dish and into the surrounding darkness. After dark was the only time Kai agreed to blade against anyone, and he figured it was to hide something. And finally he wanted to know what it was, despite how much Kai wanted to keep it a secret. So he smiled at Max and shook his head.

"You go inside already. I go check if I could do something about him". Max jumped down from the dished edge and in front of him.

"Is that wise? I mean, I don't think he will talk"

"I know. But no harm trying right? And isn't it that we bladebreakers never give up?" Max nodded and sighed

"You are right. And I hope you succeed. It's odd, but I miss the Kai we had" he felt his heart clench,

"I know what you mean.." he whispered. He missed that Kai too, and it hurt him to see Kai like this. He watched how Max walked towards the house and went indoors. He sighed again and looked into the darkness where Kai had disappeared. Then he started walking after the red eyed guy.

He found Kai in leaning on the yard's wooden fence.

"Hi" he called, as not to spook the other. Lucky him he had good eye sight, so he could easily see Kai there, now when his eyes had been accustomed to the lightness. And apparently the call had been unnecessary, since Kai didn't seem surprised at all.

"What now?" he was greeted back with a cold and empty voice.

"Nothing really. I just want to know what the heck is your problem?" the red eyes turned to look at him and the guy snorted

"Why? There is no use for you to know, and I don't feel like talking" he huffed and crossed hands over his chest.

"There is. I would know if I could help. And I want to see you feel better again". The red eyes narrowed and Kai pushed himself off from the fence. The glare he got was just as intensive and forceful as it used to be.

"You wanna help? Forget it, there is nothing you can do" there was a silence, and Kai probably thought he would leave it and go away. But he was determined to see this through, no matter what.

"Maybe there is. At least talking about problems could help" Kai snorted

"You can't seriously believe that crap?" he frowned

"Why not? Why couldn't I believe that? It works on me, so I don't think it's crap". There was another silence, and Kai shifted his weight a little. Then he flinched and took a hold on the fence.

"Kai, what's wrong?" he rushed to the Russian's side and took a hold of his forearm. Kai yanked it free and glared him, but there weren't anger in the eyes, there were sorrow in there.

"Let me be. It is none of your business"

"No, I am not letting you go this easily" he said and took a hold of Kai's hand again. This time Kai didn't fight him off.

"It's my leg" Kai said quietly. He didn't like the way Kai sounded defeated. But if it was the leg bothering, he should get Kai to sit somewhere. So he pulled Kai's hand a little, signaling him to follow. And Kai did. "You can let go. It passed already" he looked over his shoulder, but Kai wasn't facing him, looking to the side. He didn't really want to, but he still let go. But all the way to the bench that was close the dish, where audience could sit and watch matches, he kept looking over his shoulder and make sure Kai didn't fall down or be in pain. Once they reached the bench, he sat down and waited Kai to sit next to him. And the Russian did. But clearly not pleased with the situation.

"So, what's the matter with the leg?"

"Why is it so big deal to you?"

"Because the team needs you." he took a breath "Because I need you. I don't want to see you like this"

"You think I enjoy this? For crying out loud, the blondie can nearly beat me in blading." he nodded, but said nothing. He wanted Kai to continue on his own speed, to share what was on his mind, not to ask stuff and make him close up again. "But I can't help it. I have done all the doctors have told, followed the fitness program, but the knee still doesn't work. It keeps failing me, nearly buckling but not quite, just enough to throw me off balance and ruin my focus" he frowned emphatically

"That doesn't sound good. Have you visited a doctor about that?" there was bitter edge in Kai's voice

"And say what? 'sorry, but my operated leg sometimes doesn't feel good'? There is already a shortage of doctors. You think they would have any time or interest to look into a case with no urgency?" it took a while for him to come up with something to say. Surely, if you put it like that, it does sound stupid. But surely there is other ways to put it? But he couldn't come up with one right now, so he decided to approach from different angle

"Maybe you should give it more time. After all, you were allowed to start moving normally, to run and all, only half a year ago. You shouldn't push yourself too far" now Kai looked at him. The red eyes were burning, but this time, if it would be anyone else, he would say it looked like desperation and pain.

"Time? Rei, I can't even stand for longer than five minutes without the knee starting to hurt, or then it gets so stiff I can hardly move it." he gaped. He didn't know Kai had been suffering that much. Especially since Kai usually was on his feet, really standing or then leaning on something, but not often was he seen sitting. There was a tight line on Kai's face

"Maybe if you train it it will get better..?" he wasn't sure if it made any sense, but his mind didn't have time to think about it before the mouth let those words out. The anger rose in Kai, and the guy rushed up.

"Train how to stand? You hear how stupid that sounds like?" Kai tried to swirl around and walk away, but this time the knee really did give in and Kai fell. He rushed to help the guy stand, but Kai just pulled himself into a sitting position, back facing him. "Rei, I can't even stand. Do you know how helpless that makes me feel? How annoying it is? And if I don't concentrate enough, I can't walk. If the angle of my foot is slightly off, it twists the knee and then I stagger. " the pain in Kai's voice was clear, it sounded as if Kai's throat would be blogged, just like he would be close to tears.

"And even when I concentrate, which ain't really an issue, I am scared to run. Yes, I am scared Rei" the voice grew stronger, and Kai turned his head to glare him. It was hard to believe, he didn't see what was so scary. Surely it was bad to have all those problems, but still.

"Why?" he simply asked. Kai was silent and looked away again, starting to get up. He didn't stop the other, and neither could he offer help. He didn't know what to do or say. Once Kai was up, the red eyes looked at him calmly, locking every single emotion somewhere.

"Because it broke without any warning. So I keep waiting when it will break again. It would be different if it had been sore or anything before it snapped, but there was no indication of the incident. It just snapped while I run. And it's same with blading. If I put it all out, what will break this time? I try not to care, but it's the human's basic nature I am fighting against. The instinct that tries to keep us safe from harm." he nodded, he knew that. Sometimes when it was a tight battle, he needed to fight against it too, so he could reach the victory.

"But you can beat it. I know you can" there was a shadow of a smile on Kai's face.

"Yeah? Does it really look like I can?" with that, Kai started walking towards the house, obviously watching for the sore leg now that he knew to look for it. God, how much hardship and pain had Kai already endured in his life, with the grandfather he had had to live, and now his body was betraying him. Kai's life sure was anything but easy.

But what could he do to help? He could hardly imagine how Kai was feeling, what he was going through, so how could he offer any real help? He stayed outside, sitting on the bench and gazing at the sky, deep in thought.

* * *

it didn't really go as I had planned, but it is much harder to express things than I thought. sure, you can flame it. but I did warn you not to read, didn't I?  
okay, whatever. one day, I might come back to that wouldn't be for me anymore, I got what I wanted. so, if you want to have more, you really should review, otherwise I will leave this as very odd one shot.


	2. Chapter 2

REally random, I know. the story itself doesn't work, but what can I say. when in healing time after a knee surgery, the moods and periods really do change. not this radically, but sometimes everything is okay, and then the knee gets worse again. understand if you want, complain that life doesn't work like this. as you wish. after all, this is just something to read, so certain someone gets at elast some sort of dosage. -smirk- supporting a addict here...

* * *

Rei had woken up in the middle of the night, and wondered what had caused him to wake up. He couldn't hear a thing, everything was calm and quiet. He decided he could have something to drink before going back to sleep, and got up and headed to kitchen.

He frowned a bit when he noticed there was a light in the kitchen. He walked to the open door and peaked in. What he saw made his blood run cold. Kai was standing there, knife in the hand and not doing anything. He recalled what Kai had said earlier the evening, and the depressed tone he had spoken.

"Kai, what are you doing?" he asked, panic making his voice higher than normal. When hearing him speak, Kai blinked and turned his head to look at him.

"Nothing really" he stepped into the room and pointed to the knife.

"Yeah, if so, why you have knife?" his heart was still beating like F1-car's engine. He had never thought Kai would do something so...so stupid and useless. But he calmed down a bit when Kai glanced at the knife and smirked, then looked at him again.

"You honestly believe I would be cutting my wrists open?" he blushed and lowered his gaze to the floor.

"Not really, but I just...I don't know. Wasn't thinking clearly?" there was a pregnant silence. Then he heard Kai's snort.

"Whatever. Good to know you think I am prone to that kind of stuff." his head jerked up and he looked into the red eyes

"No, that's not what I think, but you have to say you aren't doing too well, and maybe you would try if it helps". The smirk disappeared and Kai sighed.

"Seriously, you should forget what I said. It's none of your problem." he stepped closer to Kai

"Maybe it is not my problem, but I still care. I don't know what I could do to help, but if there is anything, just tell me". Kai shook his head.

"First you could stop freaking out when you see me with something sharp". He realized Kai still hadn't explained what he was doing in the kitchen alone with the knife.

"I will if you promise you won't intentionally hurt yourself". Now Kai shifted his gaze away, looking to some distance. After a short moment, Kai looked back at him, being his old stone faced self, and not saying a thing. He waited a while longer.

"Kai..?" the smirk he got was very small.

"It won't matter. I don't hold promises in any real value"

"But I do." Kai rolled his eyes and put the knife to nearby counter.

"Rei, with all due respect, leave me alone." with that, Kai walked past him and into his own room, and he could hear it being locked afterward. He sighed and went to the knife, testing it's blade. Man, it was really sharp, he looked over his shoulder to where Kai had went, thinking how the older teen was really doing. Sure, it couldn't be easy, but naturally Kai would be strong enough to cope with it, right? The worst part was that he, who was always blamed to be too optimistic, couldn't make himself believe it. Maybe Kai was in too deep. He should ask the others what they thought about the situation. Just because he didn't want to go to bed yet, he fetched a glass and drank some water. Finally giving up to the tiredness, he put the glass into sink and went back to his room.

The next morning he woke up really early. He had finished making breakfast before anyone else had woken up. He was feeling anxious and rehearsing himself how to bring Kai's issues up with the others without making it sound lame. He couldn't afford Tyson say something rude because that would mess everything up.

Finally people got up, with some help from his part and gathered around the table. Even after all the clatter and noise he had made to drive everybody up, Kai had made any sign of being up or going to join them. But maybe it was better, the red eyes wouldn't burn a hole to his head. He let his team collect food on their plates before starting his speech

"You all have noticed that Kai is having problems" people were nodding around the table, encouraging him to continue, except Tyson who was too busy filling his mouth with food. He sighed, that was probably the best, not like Tyson could offer anything else than smart-ass comments to this conversation. "Well, last night I talked with him and I found out what is really going on"

"Really?" Max asked eyes wide "Never believed you would succeed but that's awesome!" Max smiled at him brightly and he smiled back. Tyson mumbled in

"Don't see what's so great about that. Kai should just get a hold of himself and for once ask himself as much as he used to ask from us when he was couching." there was a silence, everyone else was staring stunned at Tyson.

"You can't be serious..." he whispered before flipping "You can't be serious! You have no idea how much he is working, how much he is pushing himself..!"

"Enough" it wasn't a loud voice, but it cut his yell clean through, silencing him once and for all, and making the long familiar shiver run down his spine. Kai had appeared in the doorway, standing there strongly and glaring them, mostly him. "My business is nothing to fight about. Mostly because it's none of your business." he had not believed it to be possible, but the glare intensified even more, really burning a hole in his head. With that, Kai walked to the table, grabbed a sandwich and continued to walk. "I'll start training in advance, you join in when you are done." then he went out and closed the door behind him. They sat there silent a moment, then Tyson said

"So, I was right, all he needs to do is stop feeling sorry for himself and get onward." he glared at Tyson, but withheld all bad words that came to his mind. Commenting would only make things worse, but he was worried Kai would go over his limits and really hurt himself again. He was also blaming himself, if he had kept quiet, there wouldn't have been Tyson's comment and Kai wouldn't try to prove himself. Kenny said to him

"You are right, he haven't been anything like himself. Even now, he didn't rush us to finish. Nor argue with Tyson. Is he alright? Can we do something?" seeing what had happened when he tried to help, he shook his head.

"No, it's not something we should meddle in. what we should do, is give him more time, that's all" to himself, he swore he would try getting Kai open up little more. There was the saying about healthy mind in healthy body, so if Kai would mentally feel better, that should echo to the body too. But he better keep that idea to himself, it would only make Kai snort. He smiled slightly, it was twisted, but he liked it even when Kai thought he was idiot. He enjoyed any time he had with Kai, whether it was about him being a fool or something else. He hurried to finish his breakfast and was the first to follow Kai out.

Outside he found Kai just finishing his stretching. Kai heard him coming and glared him.

"Didn't know you are such a story teller." he felt ashamed. Maybe it was not the best idea to talk about Kai's private life with others, even if he would want some advice.

"Sorry. I am just worried about you" Kai huffed.

"Don't be. It's annoying" he walked right next to Kai.

"So is having you like this. You aren't you" Kai straightened up and faced him dead on.

"You think I enjoy this? I would give my right hand to go back to what I was" he tried to keep his face straight, but failed. The laughter broke out. Kai looked perplexed and stepped back a bit.

"I don't think that would help" he gasped in between laughs. "It would be even more tricky if you would be missing a hand". He started to control his lungs again and quieted the laughter. To his relief, Kai seemed a bit amused too.

"You have a point. So, I guess I better try harder and not to swallow in self-pity"

"I don't think..." but Kai had already started jogging. Not fast, but at least it looked stable. Hoping for the best, he run to catch Kai "I don't think you are pitying yourself. I think you have every right to feel bad" Kai glanced him from the corner of his eye.

"Maybe so. But I can't afford Tyson to talk like that, and for that, I need to step up the game." he frowned. This didn't sound good.

"But if you overdo it and break something?" Kai's face tightened and then the red eyed stopped without any warning.

"What's the other chance? That I stay still, so I don't hurt myself, and never get anywhere? You think I could live like that?" he couldn't read what the red eyes held in them.

"I know you can't. But if you rush it, and break something, I don't think you could take that either. I don't say you should give up, I say you should be really careful" they stare at each others for a while and then Kai sighed.

"Since when have you been my mother?" he shook his head

"Not mother. Just a close friend who wants the best for you" Kai's face softened a bit.

"Right. Remind me that if I ever get as soft as you, I must cut my wrists" then Kai continued the jog and he followed

"Kai, that's not funny!" he scolded the red eyed guy "I was seriously worried" Kai smirked

"Was? Meaning you aren't anymore?" he thought about it a moment.

"Not really. You seem to have found your fighting spirit again. As you see, talking does help" he received a venomous glare from Kai.

"Idiot.." Kai mumbled and he just smiled at that. Even though he hadn't done anything, Kai seemed to be better now. He just hoped it would last.

* * *

as you probably noticed, I didn't end this with one chap. and who knows, maybe there will be even more in the future. one day. perhaps...arrivederci


	3. Chapter 3

Don't care don't read. if you care, read. I don't think it will make any difference in the end

* * *

The speed they were moving was rather pleasant. He didn't have problems keeping up, and even more, Kai didn't seem to have issues either. Then the problems started.

"Hi slowpokes!" Tyson's penetrating voice called behind them. He honestly wanted to strangle the short boy. When he glanced at Kai, he noticed the others face has tightened, and what made his heart clench was the fact that Kai sped up. He was sure that wasn't wise idea. He wasn't sure whether he wanted to kill Tyson for being an idiot or beat some sense to Kai so he wouldn't try too hard just because of his stupid pride.

"Man, you guys are really taking it easy today" he could hear the wide grin in Tyson's voice.

"Tyson, don't" he said

"Don't what?" the guy asked, reaching their level. And at that moment, Kai snapped. And sadly not the 'let's make Tyson's life a living hell'-snap, but 'let's give Rei a heart attack and run as fast as we can'-snap.

"For crying out loud" he mumbled under his breath before dashing after Kai. The good news was that Tyson had no chance keeping up, bad news was that he could see Kai was limping. And yet the over-stubborn stuffed with pride moron refused to slow down. He cursed and summoned all speed he had to catch his captain. Kai glanced over his shoulder, and seeing him follow, glared and turned a corner. He sighed. Great. Cat and mouse-play was just what he wanted. But to his relief, after a few corners, Kai slowed down to a walk and he managed to catch up with him.

"You are a complete yerk, you do know that?" Kai glanced at him.

"And you have been told to let it go" he shook his head and grabbed Kai from both shoulders, forcing Kai face him.

"I have thought you to be smarter than that. That you wouldn't let Tyson's stupid comments affect you, that you can keep your cool no matter what" he tried to look Kai in the eyes, but the other refused to look at him. "I already thought you were better, but I guess I was wrong. And since you won't let me help, I guess I have to report to Mister Dickenson that you are unable to continue as a team captain." this made Kai look him straight into eyes. The red eyes were burning with anger, but he didn't let that scare him, and looked deeper. And he thought he could make out desperation too.

"Fine then. Do as you please. I couldn't care less to train someone as irritating as Tyson. You try to make him do anything useful" with that, Kai forcibly yanked himself free and started walking away.

"That is not what I want, and you know that!" Kai swirled around to look at him.

"Do I really? Since you seem to know everything better than me, maybe you should just take charge of the whole team.". He felt tears pricking his eyes. He didn't want to fight with Kai. And he could tell Kai was hurting too.

"Kai please, don't do this." he pleaded and reached a hand to grab Kai's shirt softly. "I don't want you to go" Kai looked at him, but didn't shake him off.

"What do you expect me to do then?" Kai whispered so quietly he wasn't sure it was meant for him to hear.

"Give yourself time. And don't just roll your eyes" that made Kai snort "I am serious. Even if it seems like nothing, try expanding the time you can stand still. Find the best way to stand so it won't hurt so quickly. Then built it up from that. I know you have what it takes, after all, you have made Tyson train a lot too despite all his whining". This comment granted him a smirk that encouraged him to continue "And I think part of your problem is your mental side. We should regain your trust to your own body that should make the heeling go smoother." Kai lifted an eyebrow.

"Are you serious?" he nodded smiling

"Of course. And I'll help you as much as you let me" Kai chuckled.

"I can't believe you said all that with serious face" he pouted

"Now you are just being mean." Kai shrugged, making his hand fall off from the shirt too

"You said it yourself, I am a yerk" he rolled his eyes.

"Great. Sure, let that be all you recall from this conversation.". Kai smirked

"I may be a yerk, but there is nothing wrong with my memory thank you very much." he rolled his eyes but grinned at Kai. The other didn't seem down, so maybe he had overreacted a bit again. They started walking towards their house, keeping up a good phase. When they were within eyesight of the house, Kai glanced at him curiously

"Let me guess, you have no idea how to 'built my trust' as you put it". They were silent again and he wracked his brain, trying to come up with something. Then it hit him

"I read somewhere that once injured one stops concentrating on the injury and does something that occupies his mind completely, the patient can function just fine, if the issue is more on the mental side. So, we just have to get you forget all about your leg, and afterward once you see the leg didn't bother, you will start trusting it more and it won't be such an issue with time." Kai lifted an eyebrow.

"So, you are basically saying that I am crazy and it's all in my head?" he shook his head irritatedly

"Now you are just twisting my words and being tricky. I mean you should do something you really like and where you can put all your focus." they reached the yard and Kai stopped and crossed his arms.

"Somehow, it sounds like you have a plan" he nodded happily.

"Yes I do." there was a silent, he wasn't going to tell it before Kai asked, and Kai didn't want to ask, but for once Kai gave up.

"Fine. So what's your master plan?" sure, the cold tone wasn't exactly what he had hoped for, but then again, it was Kai he was talking about, so he shouldn't expect any heartfelt enthusiasm.

"You shall blade. And not an easy target in your normal standard." Kai looked at him

"Meaning who?" now his smile broke completely free and he couldn't hide his eagerness. He had waited it for so long.

"Me of course" Kai's hands dropped to his sides

"-"

"I am serious. Come on, we can start, so there won't be anyone watching". And like he used to, Kai accepted the challenge with determination.

"Fine. Bring it on" he smiled, it was nice hearing Kai still had that spark for blading that had impressed him from the beginning. And he had to admit, he was excited to blade against Kai after so long break. He was sure that if he gave it his bets shot, he could get Kai swept into the game and forget everything else. Besides, this was probably one time chance for him to actually beat Kai in blading. Apparently his thoughts shone through, since Kai grunted with a glare

"Don't you dare to think you can win that easily"

" I don't. I am just happy to fight with you again" he smiled brightly,

"So, this is as much for your pleasure as for my benefit?" he blushed

"Well...it's just lucky extra that it's gonna be fun" to his relief, Kai just shrugged it off, not seeming to care his motives, but the little smirk proved that Kai didn't dislike the idea of a match either.

"Let's just do our best, okay?" he received a glare from Kai.

"You think I would let you go with anything less? This is as much training for you as it is for me" he nodded. Now this sounded like the coach he knew. He grinned, this was going to be fun and exciting and maybe he would get closer to Kai and get Kai closer to his normal self. All of it sounded simply so good he would have wanted to give Kai a hug. When they started heading towards the blading dish, he hummed quietly to himself, he was feeling really great right now, despite the badly slept night and arguments with Kai. He glanced at Kai, seeing the other looking nonchalant, but the set of his jaw was tight.

"Relax, it's gonna be okay" Kai peeked him from the corner of his eye.

"I just wonder how rusty you are, since I haven't been kicking you onward." he laughed.

"It's not me you have to worry about, it's Tyson who has been slacking off" Kai swore in Russian and he laughed some more. Kai looked at him, little grin on his face, but didn't say anything. But it made his heart skip a beat and he nearly tripped to his own feet. That caught him off guard, but seeing it made him more certain that they could make Kai better. Maybe even better than he had been, possibly a bit more open up, at least towards him if no one else. He felt his face heat up, he enjoyed a bit too much to have Kai all to himself like this, and being the only one seeing this side of Kai. He was ashamed of his selfishness, but if it didn't really harm no one, he could continue like this, right? And it was Kai who didn't want to talk to anyone else, nothing he could do about it. He peeked at Kai, seeing he was already heading other side of the dish, so he shook his head, no time to think stuff like this, he should focus on helping Kai now, and ponder about his personal issues later. Nodding in confirmation, he dug Drigger out and prepared for the fight. Before they started, he exchanged a look with Kai, seeing the fire and will to win in Kai's eyes.

"Three, two, one, let it rip!"

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nope. whether you read or not, it didn't change the end. *shrug* hakuna matata


	4. Chapter 4

I know. never have I done two updates at a row. you can consider it as an early x-mas present if you believe in such. othwerise, I would wanr you not to read this, since it's not good, but my warnings haven't been paid attention so far, so do as you wish.

* * *

The battle started off awkwardly. He wasn't sure if he should really put all out against Kai just yet, and Kai seemed to be a bit off balance too. But after their blades had swirled around the dish few times, he grinned at Kai, who just nodded grimly back. And thus he stepped up the game, calling for Drigger. With a flash, the tiger was with him. He was a bit surprised when Kai didn't call Dranzer right away, but just glared at his tiger intensively. Without a word, there was another flash of light and Dranzer appeared, after a long break, he heard it's battle call and saw a satisfied look cross Kai's face before he focused on the match again.

It was fun. He enjoyed it his fair share, and Kai looked as pleased as was possible with his usually expressionless face. They had bladed a while, and briefly he noticed that they had gotten rest of the team as audience, but he chose to ignore them completely. He felt like it was time to end it, or else he would run out of stamina, and he urged Drigger to a final attack, which Kai answered by sending Dranzer against them head on. He was solely focused on the blades, and only when he heard the calls of his team mates did he know something was awry. He looked up, and to his horror, Kai wasn't standing straight anymore, but bend down, hands on his right joint, looking like he was squeezing, face pale and probably cursing by the look of him. He ignored the blades and rushed around the dish to Kai's side.

"Hey, what's wrong?" the red eyes shot up and glared him, having the usual cold shoulder in it, trying to push him away. But he didn't let it bother him, he had to help. "Tell me" he demanded and glared Kai back. They glared for a moment, and Kai straightened up, but he could see it took some effort to seem unaffected by whatever it was that was wrong. Kai looked past him, and smirked.

"I won" he heard Kai mutter through gritted teeth. He glanced over his shoulder, and seeing this was so. His blade had stopped in the middle of the dish, while Kai's still swirled, albeit very slowly and on the edge of stopping. Despite having lost, he couldn't stop a smile. It was good to know Kai had won, and even better that Kai seemed to care about the victory. Kai hoisted a hand, and soon Dranzer landed it. Kai gave it a little squeeze before putting it away. He himself jumped down to the dish to get his blade.

"Next time, I will win you know" he said. Kai snorted at that

"We'll see" he was glad Kai couldn't see his grin and blush caused by that comment, but it warmed him nicely to know Kai didn't refuse to blade again. He took Drigger, whispered a thanks to it and put it into it's pocket, then climbed back next to Kai. He noticed the others were still looking them a bit worriedly, but he figured it was best not to pressure on the matter. He gestured Kai to go down first, and for a short moment there was a hesitation in the red eyes, but it was soon shielded away by blank poker face. And Kai accented the few stairs down to earth, and he could see that the older guys movements were stiffer than they had been before the battle, but he figured that was just caused by the exhaustion of the match and jog combined. He was alerted though when while walking towards the house, after Kai had ordered the others to continue their training per usual, the red eyed guy drew a sharp breath and stop momentarily before regaining his composure and continuing his way. Since Kai didn't want anyone to see there was issues again, couldn't go after him right away, but to wait a while and then excuse himself that he would go make some snack to them as a reward for morning full of exercises. Tyson of course was really cheered up by this, and immediately challenged Max for a battle. He shook his head for the boys jests and went indoor.

He aimed first towards the tower to see if Kai was there, but he could hear no sound through the door. The next stop was Kai's bedroom. He knocked on the door and after a long enough silence that he figured no one was in, he heard Kai giving a permission to enter, and he could hear the reluctance in the voice. Despite noticing it, he opened the door seeing that Kai had already visited a shower, and was now sitting in bed, leaning onto a pile of pillows.

"What now?" Kai asked in hard voice, and the red eyes glared him coldly. He swallowed, but had to ask.

"What happened? And don't say nothing, I know something went awry in the end" Kai made a sound half snort and half sigh and looked away. He waited, he was not going to leave before Kai answered him, and he was not going to ask third time, he knew Kai would remember the question. Finally Kai said in a voice that was oddly amused.

"All went well. The knee showed no sign of being bothered, and I did forget all about it during the match. And in the final strike, my joint suddenly hurt, just like someone would have pierced it with a sharp knife. It still does. It does carry my weight, but only just and only for a short time." Kai gave a dry and dark chuckle " Seems like my body is just set on failing me when I most need it" the guy said in a monotone voice. He didn't know what to say or do. It wasn't fair. Kai had just begun to get over the knee injury, this was not needed. And to him, it sounded like a fracture one could get for too hard and too much training, but he decided best not to say that know. After a silence that ring his ears, he said.

"We better go to doctor to see what's wrong with it. And while we are at it, you can have a check up on the knee too" Kai turned his head to look him, and the red eyes held nothing it them, making his blood run cold and heart ache. This was so wrong. Then Kai said, looking him into eyes

"What's the point? Even if I get this fixed, something else will break right away" he felt tears pricking his eyes, and he shook his head.

"You can't.." tears started flowing down his cheeks, but he tried to compose himself, but failed "you can't give up now. Just keep trying please" he didn't think his next action, but he couldn't stand seeing Kai like that, completely out of spirit and ready to give up. So in desperate effort to stop the other from giving up, he rushed to the bed, and hugged the older teen. He sobbed against Kai's shoulder "I know you. You are stronger than this, you are the strongest one I know. I know you can make it" then his throat was too clenched for words, and all he could do was hold on to Kai and weep. He knew the situation was abnormal, he should be the one comforting Kai, and Kai the one crying, but then again, that seemed very unlikely too, because after all, Kai was still Kai. To his greatest surprise, after a while, he felt Kai slowly move a hand and pet his head, trying to sooth him.

"Guess I have no other chance. Apparently I get shocked otherwise." he giggled despite the tears and hiccuped. Kai gave a snort and gently ruffled his hair. "I said I'd do my best, so you better stop wetting my clothes, I already had a shower" he didn't want to let go, but did anyway. He shouldn't make Kai uncomfortable. He smiled at the red eyed guy and wiped his tears away.

"Sorry about that" Kai rolled his eyes and smirked.

"Whatever. At least I know now that the team would crumble without me" he laughed that.

"I have known that the whole time. If you quit, so will I" Kai lifted an eyebrow but didn't comment, he blushed and got up from the bed and wiped hairs off of his face trying to hide his blush "I mean, if there is no one to train us to be better, why should I linger here?" Kai nodded at that, but the amused sparkle in the red eyes made him a bit nervous. Kai didn't know how he was feeling towards the older teen, right? He swallowed and smiled.

"I shall go make a call and get you a doctors appointment, okay?" Kai nodded. He nodded back and left the room. He closed the door behind him and took a deep breath. He wouldn't have thought Kai was that vulnerable. Or huggable. He smiled to himself. At least now he knew a way to get Kai back on the right track, albeit it being something he would have never thought working. But nevertheless, seeing that Kai had a soft side made his heart glide, despite the otherwise bad situation. So he was smiling softly when he went to the phone, and used all his manners, charisma and wit to get Kai an appointment as soon as possible, getting it on the next day. Pleased with himself, he went to fix the snack he had promised, deciding to go afterward back to Kai and talk some more with him to see what his spirits really were.

* * *

fine. I admit it, this is the only fic I have that I am in control of what happens. that probably explains why this isn't as good as the rest is. but like I said in the start, this is not written for any of you like the others are, this is purely for me. nothing neither of us can do about it. until I need this again.


	5. Chapter 5

I don't know what happened. all I know this wasn't quite ment to be this. but afterwards...it didn't feel wrong either. so, this was probably something that needed to be. sorry.

* * *

It wasn't until evening before Rei had the chance to go check on Kai again, he had been so busy with training. As odd as it was, even Tyson seemed to be a little worried about Kai. At least he put a huge amount of energy to the training, and didn't complain per usual. Rei wished Tyson would behave this well when Kai was around, but he figured miracles didn't happen.

He had fixed dinner, and went to Kai's door to tell that food was ready. He knocked

"Hey Kai, come eat, I know you haven't eaten" he cracked the door open.

"Go away!" he heard a yell, and a pillow smashed onto the door. He gulped. Kai sounded really angry.

"Okay, okay! No need to freak out." he was a bit offended. He just tried to help the fellow, no reason to snap at him. He hurt just some muttering. He couldn't help it, but he boiled over.

"How dare you! I try my best to help you, and even keep your cover up, and is this how you thank me?!" his heart was beating. He didn't really want to yell, he didn't really mean what he said, but he had been worried sick and future seemed really scary right now. It was just his own insecurities surfacing, even if he tried to stop it, he couldn't.

"I never asked for your help. For all I care, you can go and play around with those jerks you call friends." that did it. He smashed the door open.

"Get real you moron, those who you dare to call jerks care about you. Although I can't see why with you behaving like this..." his speech slowly died down when his brain tried to take in what he saw. Kai was laying on the bed pretty much the same place as last time, the only difference being that now his hand was bleeding. And Kai just stared at it as if it wasn't one of his concerns, only mildly interested. Kai stared at him head on, no sign of shame or embarrassment.

"Kai...what..why..your hand?" Kai shrugged and shook his head, not commenting. He walked closer to see the wound closer. It was neat cut through Kai's palm. It bled, but not much. "Does it hurt?"

"Nah. It's fine" he tore his eyes off of it.

"How did you get it?" Kai avoided his eyes, looking at the wound too and slowly lifted it to his mouth and licked the blood away. He gasped and clapped a hand over his mouth. Kai seemed to be in some far away place.

"It's..." Kai stopped, frowning. Then he moved his gaze back to him and lowered his hand back down. Another shrug. "I guess I just wanted to know how it feels." Now he frowned too.

"What what feels?" there was a small twitch in Kai's lip. Kai's gaze was calm and back to the normal Kai.

"Bleeding." he slapped Kai's cheek.

"DON'T YOU DARE TO DO THAT TO YOURSELF! THAT'S SICK AND..!" Kai lifted a hand.

"Hold it, hold it! Just calm down." it took all his will to stop yelling and calm down a bit. Kai sighed. "I figured you would react like that. Trust me, you aren't the only one shocked. I just somehow...lost the control." Kai fell silent. He still didn't know how to react. Kai seemed okay now. But hadn't he thought the same earlier? Could he trust Kai anymore?

"How did you do it?" Kai put hand to his pocket and fished out a small pocket knife. He held out a hand. He couldn't trust Kai, not now. He wanted to get all sharp tools from Kai. When Kai saw the gesture, he lifted an eyebrow and smirked.

"You think that taking this away could stop me if I really wanted to?" he opened his eyes, but closed it again. Kai had a point. It wasn't that Kai was paralyzed, he could even walk into the kitchen and fetch a proper knife. And he had no way to know what all Kai had in his room. He shivered, taking the hand back to hug himself. What should he do now? Kai got up from the bed.

"Hey now. It's okay. Not like I would let myself do it again. I was just curios." he glared Kai.

"How's that supposed to help? How could I trust you?" Kai stared him, thinking hard.

"The same way you have so far. " he shook his head.

"I can't. Not after this." Kai rolled his eyes

"Hey now. I swear this won't happen again. And have I ever gone back my word?". Hesitantly he shook his head. "There you go." he was still unsure, and it must have shown. "For real. Besides, the way you keep nursing around me, even if I do, you will know right away, right?" he smiled a bit.

"Maybe so." there was a silent. "But will you still give me that?" Kai glanced at the knife. Then he handed it over just like it was nothing. He grabbed the knife and pressed it against his chest. Kai rolled his eyes again but smirked a bit. "Don't worry about it too much, okay?" he avoided Kai's eyes.

"How can I, when you don't seem to take this well at all?" there was a dark huff from Kai

"And how should I take this well? How would you act in my place?". He felt his throat clutching

"At least I wouldn't cut myself! That's so...". Kai sighed. Then he reached out his hands and wrapped them around him, pulling him close to the firm chest again. He refused to cry, but he basked in the warmth.

"You know, I bet you just enjoy sobbing against my chest so you need to act out about every little thing" he pulled his head up.

"Not true. I am not crying." Kai was smirking, and after a moment, he sighed himself and pulled away. "How does it always end up like this? You are the one with problems, and I am the one crying my eyes out?" Kai lifted an eyebrow.

"And I just thought you weren't crying..." he gave Kai a light punch on the shoulder.

"Bastard" he muttered, reining in the blush that tried to creep over his face. Kai sat back to his bed

"At your service" he looked at Kai, wondering how deeply all this was really affecting Kai and would the guy in front of him really be alright. "Stop that. It's not like I will vanish in thin air if you take your eyes away from me". He sighed.

"I hope you are right. But will you come eat now?" Kai shook his head.

"Nope. Not hungry" he tilted his head.

"Not even after everyone else if finished and you could be alone?" Kai chuckled.

"It's still a no."

"If I bring you something here?" Kai shook his head.

"If I get hungry, I can do something for myself and get something to eat."

"I know you can"

"Then stop worrying." that was a command. Coming with the exact team leader voice he had learned to love. He smiled for real.

"I'll try." Kai nodded.

"Then go have fun, think something else". He hesitated a moment. Then he nodded and went back to the door.

"But if you need anyth..."

"I will get it myself." he frowned. "Fine. In case I can't do it alone, I'll let you know. Satisfied?" he giggled.

"I guess. You sure you won't come?" Kai grabbed a pillow.

"You want me to actually hit you with this?" he shook his head laughing.

"I'm going, I'm going!" he managed to see how Kai put the pillow back before he closed the door. Last time he had exited the room, he had been rather happy. But now there was a heavy weight in his chest. He trusted Kai's words, but Kai had said himself that he hadn't been in control. So, what could he do..? There was no one to talk about this, and he himself was clueless. He sighed and scratched his head. All he could do was get Kai to see the doctor and get it done with the leg, and make sure Kai wouldn't injure himself more. He frowned when he started walking to kitchen where the rest of the team were anxiously waiting for the food. He spaced out in his thoughts most of the time, and was shaken to reality when Max offered to do the dishes. He smiled at him and thanked him for the offer, and went to his own room. He collapsed to the bed. The day had been long, and really exhausting, more mentally than physically. If considered how badly the knee had affected to Kai and how long it had taken to recover from it, how hard would this be if the joint was something serious? Kai wasn't the type to just lie down doing nothing. He sighed and closed his eyes. He should really get Kai to open up so the other wouldn't keep everything inside until it all burst out in crucial consequences. But how could that happen? The fact that Kai did talk to him a little was promising, but would it be enough? Maybe if he would be the one hugging Kai and actually being the one doing the comforting...maybe then Kai could let it out. So he should control himself, and not make Kai always comfort him. Even if it did feel good, and Kai didn't mind. He smiled a little. Kai's hug had been so nice. Warm and gentle. Something he had never dreamed getting from Kai. Kai managed to make him feel better even when the red eyed was in pickle himself. He should pull himself together and give Kai the same he got from Kai. He rolled to his side and curled up. He sure would. No idea how, but he would. He sighed. And then he fell asleep, having a bit restless night, but waking up the next morning feeling refreshed and strong. Surely he had exaggerated yesterday. He changed a fresh clothing, leaving Kai's pocket knife in his pant pocket. That was something he would still hold onto.


End file.
